Special

Okay, so I'm a bit of a crybaby. I admit it. I even cry buckets at those commercials they play during the Olympics...you know, like THIS ONE. Damn you Morgan Freeman and your velvety voice of dramatic tear-causing power!!

Ahem. So, when I say that a movie makes me cry, it may not seem like much, but in my defense, it has been a hell of a long time since I cried at a movie. I guess I've just been watching way too many zombie/samurai/sea monster/demon baby movies. Regardless, the non-crying streak was broken with "Special", a movie that kicked my legs out from under me and left me bruised and broken, but yet, in some strange way, afterwards I appreciated my life and all of its craziness just a little bit more after watching this movie. I've said it before and I'll say it again, a truly fantastic film is one that either changes your life, alters your reality, or challenges you to handle it.

Michael Rapaport is just...god, he's incredible. He plays a parking lot attendant who enters a drug trial. Unfortunately, (fortunately?) for him, the drug has quite a few out-of-this-world side effects...side effects that lead Rapaport's character to assume the mantle of superhero, with disastrous (glorious?) results. This film is truly all about his performance, without his total commitment to getting the living shite kicked out of him, the film would be nothing. It's his earnestness, his never-ending hope of being something more than just a regular schmuck, that drives the movie, making you watch as he gets repeatedly thrown to the wall again and again.

My only problem with them film is that as the credits rolled, I wanted more. But I have to be happy with what I got, because the movie was made for peanuts, and it's amazing that the filmmakers were able to do what they did at all. This movie is going to be filed under "movies that made the sun shine a bit brighter" in my collection. Check it:

The Nines

Oh my GOD, RYAN REYNOLDS. I don't often lower myself to teenage lovecrush level, (for real, my hugest crush is Crispin Hellion Glover...not your typical dreamboat) but damn. He is so great...I even like him in his crappier stuff. But let's be honest here, while Ryan Reynold's abdominal muscles really deserve their own separate credit in his films, there is more to him than a pretty face. He really is a great dramatic actor, and he's got a real talent for making otherwise astronomically crappy films (see "Amityville Horror") rise above expectations. Unlike some other actors...(yes Stephen Dorff I AM TALKING TO YOU. I miss you man. I miss "Cecil B. Demented" and "SFW" Stephen Dorff. He misses you too. Please lay off the "Alone in the Dark" crap-fests).

All of my rambling boils down to this: "THE NINES" IS AWESOME. I can't believe I had no idea this movie existed, being such a fan of the weird, sci-fi, shapely abs, and bizarre dream sequences. Yet, again, it took a seriously awesome movie ninja to turn me onto this movie, and I am forever thankful.

At times wildly hilarious, chillingly frightening, and mind-bustingly intelligent, "The Nines" really defies all categorization. When I asked said movie ninja to tell me what "The Nines" was about before we watched it, he really couldn't give me a straight answer. After watching it, I too, am left pretty unable to label the film as anything other than motherfucking incredible. All of the acting, including Reynolds', is really fantastic. The plot is really the star of the film however, twisting and turning, leading you down several dark and twisted paths, only to throw a killer of a punch to the kidneys with a stunning climax.

Just go watch it already, seriously, I can't say it enough. LOVE IT.

Confidence

So, it's safe to say that I'm a bit obsessed with movies. So when I meet someone, that can show me stuff I haven't seen before, you can color me impressed. So here's my official shout-out to a fellow movie ninja who is almost as awesome as I. ALMOST.

I was a little worried when "Confidence" began, because, well, it stars Edward Burns, who can be either incredibly awesome ("Saving Private Ryan") or incredibly awful ("Sound of Thunder"). But I'm really glad I got over it, because "Confidence" was a suprisingly awesome slick caper film, and the quality of the film is due almost entirely to Burns' performance.

Yes, it's your basic con-artist caper premise, replete with double-crosses, back-stabbing, fast-talking, and big money. But what sets "Confidence" apart from the nigh unbearable "Ocean's 11" series is the ensemble of actors. While "Ocean's 11" is dragged down into a murky mess by it's clunky cast of heavy-hitters, "Confidence" is faster, smarter, and cooler with the likes of Rachel Weisz, Paul Giamatti, and Dustin Hoffman at the reins. But in the end, it is Burns' performance that ties the film together. He's the guy every guy (and geeky chick) wants to be...smart and slick with just enough of the goof in him to be irresistably likable.

The plot is also remarkably easy to follow, and the caper itself is believable, a point which is crucial, because yet one other thing that sucks about "Ocean's 11" and the like is that their capers are so stunningly full of inconsistencies and plot holes because they are all too busy trying to be slicker than the next guy. Blech. "Confidence", on the other hand, has a believable heist, and pulls it off perfectly without a whole bunch of needless bells and whistles bogging it down.

The cinematography and the music are also high points of the film...here's to wishing I was as cool as Edward Burns!

Paprika

I'm picky about anime. Just as with American film, there is a TON of anime, and the majority of it is pretty awful. However, there are a few creators who really bend the possibilities of animation, breaking boundaries and bringing mind-blowing art to the masses. Satoshi Kon is one of these creators, and he has blown me away with everything he's done; even creating one of the greatest anime television series ever, the surreal, violent, and beautiful "Paranoia Agent". With "Paprika", Kon has outdone himself, creating one of the most amazing anime films in history.

Every time I show "Paprika" to friends, especially those who don't watch anime, they have been left speechless by the film. Don't get me wrong, I am not against 3D animation by any means, but when you see this movie, you will be amazed at the shit they pull off with 2D animation. Granted, some sequences use 3D, but it's very minor. The story follows a research facility that has created a ground-breaking piece of technology called the "DC Mini". This piece of equipment enables psychiatrists to enter their patients' dreams, and researcher Atsuko Chiba uses an alter-ego, the titular Paprika, to conduct the therapy sessions. However, when one of the DC's is stolen by someone with nefarious intentions, the effects of the machine ripple across society, merging dreams and reality with disastrous results. It's up to Chiba to discover the "dream terrorist" and return order back to the world.

With an incredible soundtrack by Susumu Hirawasa and animation that will cause your brain to explode, "Paprika" is absolutely a must-see.

Severance

Who doesn't love mandatory team-building seminars? Well, pretty much the entire population of the planet earth. Fortunately for those of us who have been forced to partake in these workplace events, in general, we usually make it out alive, with all limbs intact. For the group of co-workers in "Severance", however, surviving a team-building weekend means something entirely different.

Much like zombie movies, the "horror comedy" is getting a renaissance lately, which has resulted in a dearth of pretty awful movies. "Severance" however, is one of the best, and one of my favorites.

I'm a huge fan of British comedy, and in the vein of "Shaun of the Dead", the hilariously dry wit is well balanced against the horror of the situation the employees of Pacific Palisades find themselves in when their team-building weekend lands them in the middle of the wilderness, hunted down by renegade terrorists. "Severance" plays the whole thing much more straight than "Shaun of the Dead", but this actually benefits the film, making the funny parts wildly hilarious, and the horror parts deadly scary.

The plot follows seven workers from an international defense company on a corporate weekend to an "exclusive" retreat at the behest of their company president. Featuring among the cast is the superb Laura Harris, (honestly one of the best actresses in Hollywood, why she isn't in more films I have no clue) and the hilarious Danny Dyer. For fans of both horror, comedy, and "Shaun of the Dead", you will not be disappointed with "Severance".

Brick

It's sometimes hard to review a movie that you love as much as I love "Brick". There is absolutely nothing bad to say about this movie, it's pretty much entirely a perfect film. So I'm just gonna throw this out there now, you can really just skip everything I have to say and go and rent this film, because I can't really describe the awesomeness that is "Brick".

Well...I'll give it a shot. Basically it's a hard-boiled noir mystery film that takes place in a high school. The cinematography is gorgeous, the acting is INCREDIBLE, especially by two of my favorite young underrated actors, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Lukas Haas, who play the two main characters in the film. Gordon-Levitt's character plays the role of detective, struggling to unravel the mystery surrounding the death of the dame he loves. The characters all speak as if they are in one of Dashiell Hammett's novels, and after watching the film, I decided to talk this way for good month or so; calling all girls "dames" and "dolls", jerks "dumb mugs", and "let's dust" instead of "let's go", which increased my popularity ten-fold....in my mind anyway.

Everything about this film is perfection, even down to the soundtrack, which is hauntingly gorgeous. Made on a miniscule budget, and a first-time outing for director Rian Johnson, "Brick" went on to win the Special Jury Prize for Originality of Vision at the Sundance Festival in 2005. I even went so far as to give a copy of this film to my sixty-some years boss as a Christmas gift, which went over spectacularly. Granted, he's a huge fan of Alfred Hitchcock films, but still, "Brick" will appeal to everyone on ALL levels. Stop reading my prattle and watch it already.

District B-13

I literally haven't seen a French film lately in which any character under the age of 30 isn't a delinquent in some way. Seriuously France, WTF? According to your films, all the young people in France are really busy destroying shit, rioting, murdering, and causing general havoc. But hey, don't let me stop you, I mean, if you keep making movies like "District B13", then by all means, continue with the havoc-making.

'Cause seriously, this shite is awwwwesome. Did you like that opening scene in "Casino Royale", where Daniel Craig is busting a move all over a construction site chasing this guy, and all sorts of crazy stunts are pulled out? Those stunts are based off of parkour, one of the most awesome "sports" to ever exsist. To call parkour a sport is kind of an insult, it is really more of a philosophy, in which those who practice parkour alter the way they view the world. When presented with, say, a staircase, they instead see an obstacle course.

"District B13" features tons of parkour stunts, and considering one of the main characters is David Belle, one of the creators of parkour, you can expect to have you mind blown. The story takes place in a near-future Paris, in which the ghettos have been walled off and the degenerates inside left to their own devices. District B13 is the worst of the ghettos, and the government decides to just nuke the place. Our hero, played by David Belle, teams up with the only honest police officer in the country, and, leaving a ton of broken bones in their wake, set out to save the District. The acting is so-so, the story has quite a few plot-holes, but the stunts man, the STUNTS will BLOW your mind. Oh, and check it, they are making a SEQUEL

Altered

Guess who left all their unwatched DVD's at home over Thanksgiving? Without any new movies I've decided to write about some of my all-time favorites, since I, in all honesty, cannot stop thinking, writing, or talking about film. First on the list...."Altered".

Seriously, I can count on my hands the number of really good alien movies out there. For every "Alien" there are at least seven "Alien Vs. Predator" caliber films. Being a huge fan of sci-fi, (Philip K. Dick is my homie) whenever I come upon an alien movie that really knocks it out of the park, I am forced to thrust it upon everyone, in a nerdical effort to say "LOOK HERE, SEE ALIEN MOVIES ARE NOT A DEAD GENRE!!". So we find ourselves with "Altered", a really awesome movie that literally no one knows about.

I get the feeling that most people saw the big headline on the front of the DVD saying "from the director of THE BLAIR WITCH" and immediately were all, "HAHAHA, hellllls no." Those people suck. Yes, it is directed by Eduardo Sanchez, but "Altered" bears absolutely no resemblance to "The Blair Witch". "Altered" is instead a film that is incredibly well-made, with really slick special effects, an engrossing plot, and superb acting on all parts. Considering the miniscule budget the film was made on, it is incredible to see the shots and special effects they pull off.

The plot concerns a group of five childhood friends who are abducted by alien at the ages of 15. Only four of the kids return, and their lives are...altered...by the experience. The main character, Wyatt, has chosen to live as normal a life as possible, separate from his friends, and we find him as an adult living in constant paranoia. The other guys become obsessed with capturing one of the aliens in order to exact revenge, and the film opens with them finally acheiving this goal. Unfortunately for everyone involved, they never planned further than that and end up bringing the creature to Wyatt's home, where all sorts of nastiness ensues.

The only trailer I can even find for the film follows, but it really doesn't let the viewer know anything about the film...so seriously, if you like sci-fi or aliens in any way, or even if you want to watch a great thriller of a film, just go rent this. You will not be disappointed.