Special

Okay, so I'm a bit of a crybaby. I admit it. I even cry buckets at those commercials they play during the Olympics...you know, like THIS ONE. Damn you Morgan Freeman and your velvety voice of dramatic tear-causing power!!

Ahem. So, when I say that a movie makes me cry, it may not seem like much, but in my defense, it has been a hell of a long time since I cried at a movie. I guess I've just been watching way too many zombie/samurai/sea monster/demon baby movies. Regardless, the non-crying streak was broken with "Special", a movie that kicked my legs out from under me and left me bruised and broken, but yet, in some strange way, afterwards I appreciated my life and all of its craziness just a little bit more after watching this movie. I've said it before and I'll say it again, a truly fantastic film is one that either changes your life, alters your reality, or challenges you to handle it.

Michael Rapaport is just...god, he's incredible. He plays a parking lot attendant who enters a drug trial. Unfortunately, (fortunately?) for him, the drug has quite a few out-of-this-world side effects...side effects that lead Rapaport's character to assume the mantle of superhero, with disastrous (glorious?) results. This film is truly all about his performance, without his total commitment to getting the living shite kicked out of him, the film would be nothing. It's his earnestness, his never-ending hope of being something more than just a regular schmuck, that drives the movie, making you watch as he gets repeatedly thrown to the wall again and again.

My only problem with them film is that as the credits rolled, I wanted more. But I have to be happy with what I got, because the movie was made for peanuts, and it's amazing that the filmmakers were able to do what they did at all. This movie is going to be filed under "movies that made the sun shine a bit brighter" in my collection. Check it:

The Nines

Oh my GOD, RYAN REYNOLDS. I don't often lower myself to teenage lovecrush level, (for real, my hugest crush is Crispin Hellion Glover...not your typical dreamboat) but damn. He is so great...I even like him in his crappier stuff. But let's be honest here, while Ryan Reynold's abdominal muscles really deserve their own separate credit in his films, there is more to him than a pretty face. He really is a great dramatic actor, and he's got a real talent for making otherwise astronomically crappy films (see "Amityville Horror") rise above expectations. Unlike some other actors...(yes Stephen Dorff I AM TALKING TO YOU. I miss you man. I miss "Cecil B. Demented" and "SFW" Stephen Dorff. He misses you too. Please lay off the "Alone in the Dark" crap-fests).

All of my rambling boils down to this: "THE NINES" IS AWESOME. I can't believe I had no idea this movie existed, being such a fan of the weird, sci-fi, shapely abs, and bizarre dream sequences. Yet, again, it took a seriously awesome movie ninja to turn me onto this movie, and I am forever thankful.

At times wildly hilarious, chillingly frightening, and mind-bustingly intelligent, "The Nines" really defies all categorization. When I asked said movie ninja to tell me what "The Nines" was about before we watched it, he really couldn't give me a straight answer. After watching it, I too, am left pretty unable to label the film as anything other than motherfucking incredible. All of the acting, including Reynolds', is really fantastic. The plot is really the star of the film however, twisting and turning, leading you down several dark and twisted paths, only to throw a killer of a punch to the kidneys with a stunning climax.

Just go watch it already, seriously, I can't say it enough. LOVE IT.

Confidence

So, it's safe to say that I'm a bit obsessed with movies. So when I meet someone, that can show me stuff I haven't seen before, you can color me impressed. So here's my official shout-out to a fellow movie ninja who is almost as awesome as I. ALMOST.

I was a little worried when "Confidence" began, because, well, it stars Edward Burns, who can be either incredibly awesome ("Saving Private Ryan") or incredibly awful ("Sound of Thunder"). But I'm really glad I got over it, because "Confidence" was a suprisingly awesome slick caper film, and the quality of the film is due almost entirely to Burns' performance.

Yes, it's your basic con-artist caper premise, replete with double-crosses, back-stabbing, fast-talking, and big money. But what sets "Confidence" apart from the nigh unbearable "Ocean's 11" series is the ensemble of actors. While "Ocean's 11" is dragged down into a murky mess by it's clunky cast of heavy-hitters, "Confidence" is faster, smarter, and cooler with the likes of Rachel Weisz, Paul Giamatti, and Dustin Hoffman at the reins. But in the end, it is Burns' performance that ties the film together. He's the guy every guy (and geeky chick) wants to be...smart and slick with just enough of the goof in him to be irresistably likable.

The plot is also remarkably easy to follow, and the caper itself is believable, a point which is crucial, because yet one other thing that sucks about "Ocean's 11" and the like is that their capers are so stunningly full of inconsistencies and plot holes because they are all too busy trying to be slicker than the next guy. Blech. "Confidence", on the other hand, has a believable heist, and pulls it off perfectly without a whole bunch of needless bells and whistles bogging it down.

The cinematography and the music are also high points of the film...here's to wishing I was as cool as Edward Burns!

Paprika

I'm picky about anime. Just as with American film, there is a TON of anime, and the majority of it is pretty awful. However, there are a few creators who really bend the possibilities of animation, breaking boundaries and bringing mind-blowing art to the masses. Satoshi Kon is one of these creators, and he has blown me away with everything he's done; even creating one of the greatest anime television series ever, the surreal, violent, and beautiful "Paranoia Agent". With "Paprika", Kon has outdone himself, creating one of the most amazing anime films in history.

Every time I show "Paprika" to friends, especially those who don't watch anime, they have been left speechless by the film. Don't get me wrong, I am not against 3D animation by any means, but when you see this movie, you will be amazed at the shit they pull off with 2D animation. Granted, some sequences use 3D, but it's very minor. The story follows a research facility that has created a ground-breaking piece of technology called the "DC Mini". This piece of equipment enables psychiatrists to enter their patients' dreams, and researcher Atsuko Chiba uses an alter-ego, the titular Paprika, to conduct the therapy sessions. However, when one of the DC's is stolen by someone with nefarious intentions, the effects of the machine ripple across society, merging dreams and reality with disastrous results. It's up to Chiba to discover the "dream terrorist" and return order back to the world.

With an incredible soundtrack by Susumu Hirawasa and animation that will cause your brain to explode, "Paprika" is absolutely a must-see.

Severance

Who doesn't love mandatory team-building seminars? Well, pretty much the entire population of the planet earth. Fortunately for those of us who have been forced to partake in these workplace events, in general, we usually make it out alive, with all limbs intact. For the group of co-workers in "Severance", however, surviving a team-building weekend means something entirely different.

Much like zombie movies, the "horror comedy" is getting a renaissance lately, which has resulted in a dearth of pretty awful movies. "Severance" however, is one of the best, and one of my favorites.

I'm a huge fan of British comedy, and in the vein of "Shaun of the Dead", the hilariously dry wit is well balanced against the horror of the situation the employees of Pacific Palisades find themselves in when their team-building weekend lands them in the middle of the wilderness, hunted down by renegade terrorists. "Severance" plays the whole thing much more straight than "Shaun of the Dead", but this actually benefits the film, making the funny parts wildly hilarious, and the horror parts deadly scary.

The plot follows seven workers from an international defense company on a corporate weekend to an "exclusive" retreat at the behest of their company president. Featuring among the cast is the superb Laura Harris, (honestly one of the best actresses in Hollywood, why she isn't in more films I have no clue) and the hilarious Danny Dyer. For fans of both horror, comedy, and "Shaun of the Dead", you will not be disappointed with "Severance".

Brick

It's sometimes hard to review a movie that you love as much as I love "Brick". There is absolutely nothing bad to say about this movie, it's pretty much entirely a perfect film. So I'm just gonna throw this out there now, you can really just skip everything I have to say and go and rent this film, because I can't really describe the awesomeness that is "Brick".

Well...I'll give it a shot. Basically it's a hard-boiled noir mystery film that takes place in a high school. The cinematography is gorgeous, the acting is INCREDIBLE, especially by two of my favorite young underrated actors, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Lukas Haas, who play the two main characters in the film. Gordon-Levitt's character plays the role of detective, struggling to unravel the mystery surrounding the death of the dame he loves. The characters all speak as if they are in one of Dashiell Hammett's novels, and after watching the film, I decided to talk this way for good month or so; calling all girls "dames" and "dolls", jerks "dumb mugs", and "let's dust" instead of "let's go", which increased my popularity ten-fold....in my mind anyway.

Everything about this film is perfection, even down to the soundtrack, which is hauntingly gorgeous. Made on a miniscule budget, and a first-time outing for director Rian Johnson, "Brick" went on to win the Special Jury Prize for Originality of Vision at the Sundance Festival in 2005. I even went so far as to give a copy of this film to my sixty-some years boss as a Christmas gift, which went over spectacularly. Granted, he's a huge fan of Alfred Hitchcock films, but still, "Brick" will appeal to everyone on ALL levels. Stop reading my prattle and watch it already.

District B-13

I literally haven't seen a French film lately in which any character under the age of 30 isn't a delinquent in some way. Seriuously France, WTF? According to your films, all the young people in France are really busy destroying shit, rioting, murdering, and causing general havoc. But hey, don't let me stop you, I mean, if you keep making movies like "District B13", then by all means, continue with the havoc-making.

'Cause seriously, this shite is awwwwesome. Did you like that opening scene in "Casino Royale", where Daniel Craig is busting a move all over a construction site chasing this guy, and all sorts of crazy stunts are pulled out? Those stunts are based off of parkour, one of the most awesome "sports" to ever exsist. To call parkour a sport is kind of an insult, it is really more of a philosophy, in which those who practice parkour alter the way they view the world. When presented with, say, a staircase, they instead see an obstacle course.

"District B13" features tons of parkour stunts, and considering one of the main characters is David Belle, one of the creators of parkour, you can expect to have you mind blown. The story takes place in a near-future Paris, in which the ghettos have been walled off and the degenerates inside left to their own devices. District B13 is the worst of the ghettos, and the government decides to just nuke the place. Our hero, played by David Belle, teams up with the only honest police officer in the country, and, leaving a ton of broken bones in their wake, set out to save the District. The acting is so-so, the story has quite a few plot-holes, but the stunts man, the STUNTS will BLOW your mind. Oh, and check it, they are making a SEQUEL

Altered

Guess who left all their unwatched DVD's at home over Thanksgiving? Without any new movies I've decided to write about some of my all-time favorites, since I, in all honesty, cannot stop thinking, writing, or talking about film. First on the list...."Altered".

Seriously, I can count on my hands the number of really good alien movies out there. For every "Alien" there are at least seven "Alien Vs. Predator" caliber films. Being a huge fan of sci-fi, (Philip K. Dick is my homie) whenever I come upon an alien movie that really knocks it out of the park, I am forced to thrust it upon everyone, in a nerdical effort to say "LOOK HERE, SEE ALIEN MOVIES ARE NOT A DEAD GENRE!!". So we find ourselves with "Altered", a really awesome movie that literally no one knows about.

I get the feeling that most people saw the big headline on the front of the DVD saying "from the director of THE BLAIR WITCH" and immediately were all, "HAHAHA, hellllls no." Those people suck. Yes, it is directed by Eduardo Sanchez, but "Altered" bears absolutely no resemblance to "The Blair Witch". "Altered" is instead a film that is incredibly well-made, with really slick special effects, an engrossing plot, and superb acting on all parts. Considering the miniscule budget the film was made on, it is incredible to see the shots and special effects they pull off.

The plot concerns a group of five childhood friends who are abducted by alien at the ages of 15. Only four of the kids return, and their lives are...altered...by the experience. The main character, Wyatt, has chosen to live as normal a life as possible, separate from his friends, and we find him as an adult living in constant paranoia. The other guys become obsessed with capturing one of the aliens in order to exact revenge, and the film opens with them finally acheiving this goal. Unfortunately for everyone involved, they never planned further than that and end up bringing the creature to Wyatt's home, where all sorts of nastiness ensues.

The only trailer I can even find for the film follows, but it really doesn't let the viewer know anything about the film...so seriously, if you like sci-fi or aliens in any way, or even if you want to watch a great thriller of a film, just go rent this. You will not be disappointed.

Let the Right One In

In defiance of all that is "Twilight" I decided to watch a REAL vampire movie, one that has just been released but stands absolutely no chance against the legions of wildly insane "Twilight" fans, who can all just bite me. I'll stop there, as my disdain for the whole affair could probably fill a book. But no, instead of rambling on, I will instead review a vampire film that stands so far above "Twilight" that it makes this geeky chick all warm and happy inside.

Prepare yourselves, "Twilight" fans, this movie has SUBTITLES....ooooooh, I know, positively frightening. Okay, alright, I swear that's the last of the digs. "Let the Right One In" is a Swedish film that is gorgeous, haunting, bloody and yet, still at heart, a story about childhood, friendship, and that first feeling of love we all experienced when we were stuck in between being a kid and being a teenager.

It follows the story of Oskar, a 12-year-old kid who is tormented by bullies and dreams of revenge. A mysterious girl, Eli, moves in next door, a girl who seems to not feel the cold, and has a way of appearing out of thin air. The two strike up a friendship, and as events unfold, we discover that the fates of these two are entwined, with bloodily good results. It turns out that Eli is a vampire, and when her "caretaker" of sorts meets his end, her friendship with Oskar becomes much more.

The only drawback to the film is that is moves verrrry slowly, with spurts of violence and action, but for someone like me, who values substance above all else, the pace of the film fits the progression of the story perfectly. The cinematography is STUNNING, and the settings of the frozen Swedish country give the whole film a very crisp, cold, feel. The ending of the film is especially arresting, and I pretty much felt as if I had been tossed into some of the icy waters that run through this movie.

The film has already been slated for an American remake with the director of "Cloverfield" set to helm...the two films are literally at opposite ends of the spectrum cinematically, so I really have no clue how that's gonna work...

Anyways...again, "Twilight", bite me. I'll stick with quality...

Wristcutters: A Love Story

Wow, I ADORE this movie. Now, we all know I'm not the most girly of girls, so it figures that one of the only romantic films I love features characters that are all dead. However, in my defense, "Wristcutters" isn't just a love story, it's also wildly hilarious, and it has a FANTASTIC soundtrack.

Starring Patrick Fugit, one of my favorite underrated young actors, the story takes place in a sort of purgatory, where those who have comitted suicide live a bland, boring life. One of the most entertaining parts of the film are the little vignettes of each character's suicide, my personal favorite being that of Russian rocker Eugene, (who is based loosely on the lead singer of the band Gogol Bordello, a friend of the director's and whose music is used liberally within the film) who electrocutes himself with his guitar. Fugit's character is on a search for his ex-girlfriend, who killed herself soon after he did, while he meets up with Shannon Sossamyn's character, a chick who believes she doesn't belong in this purgatory of losers and is in search of the "people in charge". Featuring great cameos by Tom Waits and Will Arnett, this film is quirky, funny, and entertaining. Nothing in this movie is exactly what meets the eye, for instance, a particularly hilarious scene featuring our lovebirds after a touching evening together on a.....beach. We'll just call it that.

King of the Ants

I LOVE revenge films. I find there is nothing I like better when I'm feeling down more than watching some poor schmuck get the ever-loving shite beat out of him/her and watching said schmuck get their oh so deliciously cold dish of revenge. It's well known among my friends that the "Kill Bill" films are at positions 1 and 2 on my list of all-time favorite films. "King of the Ants" is quite high up there as well, and I never tire of telling people about it. But you've gotta be prepared...revenge films are never pretty, nor easy to handle, and "King of the Ants" is no exception.

Directed by Stuart Gordon, who is one of my favorite directors, (he just finished the harrowingly good "Stuck" featuring Mena Suvari and Stephen Rea....I definitely recommend that one as well, but when I say harrowing, I mean it...) but he is best known for his wild b-movie classic "Re-Animator".

Sometimes...we make mistakes. We're all human. We tend to screw up a bit. Our lead character, Sean Crawley...well, let's just say...he made a slight error in judgement. See, Sean's mistake landed him on the wrong side of some pretty unsavory criminals...including an unimaginably sweaty George Wendt, (who apparently is a huge fan of horror films, and was one of the films' producers) and the oldest, most slimy, Baldwin brother. These guys proceed to lock Sean up in a shed and beat him over the head with a golf club. But, as with any good revenge film, Sean eventually gets to lay down some swift retribution. They really pushed the limits in this film...you never really think they're gonna hit Sean with that golf club up until they do, and it is BRUTAL And then they do it again. And again. And oh my god NOT AGAIN!!!

WARNING: this trailer is NSFW, but it's the only one I could find...

Ravenous

I've mentioned "Ravenous" on this blog before, when I reviewed Guy Pearce's "First Snow", and this weekend, I just had a craving for a little, ahem...bite....of one of my favorite of Pearce's roles. The film came the year before "Memento" and has since been lost to obscurity, which is such a shame because it is one of the most unique films I have ever seen, and superbly acted by everyone involved...yes, even by David Arquette.

Loosely based on the stories of the Donner Party and Alferd Packer, (go ahead, wikipedia it, we can't all be weird history buffs) the story involves a group of soldiers in an isolated California outpost. All of them are dysfunctional, practically banished by the army for different reasons, and Pearce's character is no exception. When a battered and broken stranger shows up at the fort, (played perfectly by Robert Carlyle) claiming that he is the last surviving member of a group of pioneers, the soldiers head out to search for survivors. Of course, there aren't any, and the stranger is a lot more...voracious...than he seems. The movie is dark and bloody, but also quite hilarious at times, and features one of my favorite lines from any film..."HE WAS LICKING ME!!!" I can't tell you how much I love horror films that take place in the past. There's not very many of them for some reason, I guess they just don't sell well. People aren't frightened by the past, but I just love it when historical horror is done well.

Another great aspect to the film is the music, which was composed by Damon Albarn, who is best known for his bands Blur and The Gorillaz. It's weird and eerie, and somehow just fits perfectly.

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

"Behind the Mask" was one of those movies that has been sitting in my collection for a while, but I had never gotten around to watching it. This is mostly because while I love the horror genre very dearly, I am not a fan of slasher/psycho killer films. They just feel so tired to me, and more of an exercise in how much you can disturb viewers instead of how much you can scare them, which is really the true test of a good horror film. So for a slasher film to entertain me, it's gotta be either really scary, or somehow it has to remake the theme in a fresh, new way. "Behind the Mask" does this really well, and the end product is a really great send-up of all the slasher film stereotypes in a darkly humorous way.

The plot centers around a group of grad students who are filming a documentary. They've been contacted by a guy named Leslie who claims that he is going to be the next famous psycho killer, and consequently the first half of the film is often laugh-out-loud hilarious as the crew follows this guy around as he sets up his victims, writes his own backstory, and even visits with a retired "veteran" of the business. However, we are talking about a psycho killer here, and the light heartedness takes a turn for the frightening when all of the preparation begins to actually come to fruition, and the film crew have to decide whether to stand by while the bodies fall or step in and do something about it.

Stuffed full of little inside-jokes for those who are familiar with the genre, (Leslie's pet turtles are named Zowie and Church, the names of the pets from Pet Sematary and Pet Sematary 2) and a cameo from Freddy Kruger himself, Robert Englund, "Behind the Mask" is a smart, frightfully funny film.

The Fall

When I first heard that Tarsem Singh was FINALLY making another movie, I literally burst from excitement into little pieces. For those who don't know, Tarsem directed "The Cell" way back in 2000. Reception of that film is generally mixed, but the one thing that no one can deny is the artistry of the stunning visuals that Tarsem brought to the screen. "The Fall" is Tarsem's return to cinema, and again, it is one of the most breathtakingly beautiful films ever made. If you were even mildly impressed by "The Cell", be prepared for a visual feast that will leave your eyes exhausted.

Unfortunately, the only weakness of "The Cell" was the limp, mismanaged plot, and it seems that six years later, Tarsem still can't tie together a gorgeous film with an equally arresting story. "The Fall" takes place roughly during the 1930s, where we find a Hollywood stuntman in a hospital after a botched suicide attempt. His heart has been broken, and he wants nothing more than to finish what he started. In walks an impossibly adorable little girl who is also a patient in the hospital. He tells her stories to get her to do little "favors" for him, such as stealing morphine. It's an odd relationship, one that doesn't lend itself to much sympathy for our "hero", and we only ever see the woman who broke his heart once, so there isn't much of a connection for the viewer to hold on to. The whole thing is quite reminiscent of "Pan's Labyrinth" but that movie does it so much better.

However, it is almost impossible to believe some of the sights you will see, and I still highly recommend this film, at least just for a rental. Tarsem is currently slated to direct a movie titled "War of the Gods" that is based on a mashup of Greek mythology. Here's hoping he can finally pull together his amazing artistry with a solid story.

Sunshine

Every time I watch "Sunshine", without fail, I am left utterly speechless and breathless, flailing for purchase in a reality that has been fundamentally altered. If this film doesn't affect you in some way, you must be a numb creature, and no friend of mine.

Lately, the treatment science fiction films recieve in the film industry is pretty apalling, and the way that "Sunshine" was treated was no exception. It's release date kept getting pushed back due to a "lack of interest" in science fiction, and finally lasted maybe a week in theaters with little promotion at all. It's a true shame because while it's true the sci-fi genre is pretty hit and miss, "Sunshine" is much more a psychological and philosophical journey than a straightforward sci-fi tale.

Set in 2057, we find the earth in a deep freeze due to the dying of the sun. The last hope for humanity is the crew of the Icarus II, a ship carrying a bomb that will

re-ignite the dying star. What really drives the film are the interactions of the crew, and they way that they deal with arising crises. Cillian Murphy is fantastic as usual, playing the role of the physicist who created the bomb and ultimately, the only one who can set it off. The mission starts out well enough, but the closer the ship gets to the sun, the closer everyone is brought to insanity. The amazing special effects help to convey the godlike qualities of the sun, qualities that have different effects on all the crew members, from violence to fear to worship. All sorts of philosophical questions are raised, reality is questioned, and sanity is just barely held onto with quaking fingers. When the mission becomes more and more jeopardized, you will find yourself literally on the edge of your seat, eyes glued to the screen until the credits roll. The last twenty minutes or so of the movie will blow you away.

To get the performances he wanted for the film, Boyle had the actors live together during the filming, and the sets were intentionally claustrophobic. The filming affected all the actors differently, and Cillian Murphy has claimed that the experience turned him from an agnostic to an atheist. Boyle himself has declared that he will not return to the sci-fi genre, calling the production a "spiritually exhausting experience". Boyle's most recent film, "Slumdog Millionaire", has just gotten a limited release, and already the positive reviews are pouring in. With a 90% on Rotten Tomatoes, it's evident that the guy isn't going to slow down anytime soon.

Go and watch this movie now, and be prepared to be blinded by the sun...

Naked Lunch

David Cronenberg is one of my favorite directors. I have yet to be disappointed with any of his films, and as his last two films, "Eastern Promises" and "History of Violence" have both been nominated for several awards, it seems that the rest of the world is finally catching on to his genius.

My first Cronenberg film was "The Fly", and from the moment Jeff Goldblum's "Brundlefly" started crawling on the walls I was hopelessly hooked. He's a director who takes risks and will show you things you could never imagine in your wildest dreams and nightmares.

"Naked Lunch" is no exception, and is one that I hold near and dear to my heart not only because it is through and through Cronenberg insanity, but also because it is based on a novel by one of my favorite authors of the beat generation, William S. Burroughs. It's a dark tale of drugs, obsession, art, sex, and oh yes, we musn't forget the aliens. "Naked Lunch" is a semi-autobiographical tale of the strange happenings in Burroughs drug-infused life, set in a seamy noir landscape of femme fatales, talking typewriters, cigarette smoke, and hallucinations.

The acting on all parts is really what drives the film, especially Peter Weller's performance in the lead role as an exterminator/starving artist who ends up embroiled in a double-crossing network of intrigue. Cronenberg really has a way of getting amazing performances from his leading men. The film also features Cronenberg's signature special effects, with strange beings melding flesh and machine. Check this one out and expand your reality...

Sukiyaki Western Django

I knew going in that "Sukiyaki Western Django" was either going to be absolutely awful, or absolutely spectacular. That's usually the way that Takashi Miike's films are. He's one of Japan's most prolific directors, having made over seventy films, which range from the wildly surreal "Gozu" to the kids adventure film "The Great Yokai War". Some of his stuff is classic, and some of it is so awful it can hardly be sat through.

However, despite all this, I had pretty high hopes for "Sukiyaki" because it was partly produced by Quentin Tarantino, who also has a wildly hilarious role in the film, AND because it also stars Masanobu Ando, one of my favorite Japanese actors, who is best known for playing killer student Kazuo Kiriyama in "Battle Royale" and Yusuke Iseya, from the super insane "Casshern".

Fortunately, I wasn't disappointed, but I wasn't knocked out either. "Sukiyaki" is best enjoyed as two hours of craziness that makes only the least bit of sense, but looks incredibly awesome and will at different times have you laughing out loud and staring at the screen with your jaw on the floor. The whole thing is very stylized and surreal; a mix between spaghetti westerns, samurai films, punk rock, and pirate movies. The cinematography is one thing that truly stands out. The colors are all gorgeously saturated and the sets are stunning. The actors all speak English, which adds to the who surreality of the thing, as no one is able to really emote while struggling to speak a language they aren't familiar with. This is the second time Miike has made a film this way, the first was his entry for the Showtime series "Masters of Horror", called "Imprint", which was banned from air due to it's extreme violence. That episode happens to be, in my mind, one of the Miike's worst attempts, and the actors' stumbling doesn't help it, but in "Sukiyaki" it adds to the comical aspect of the film.

I definitely recommend this film for fans of Tarantino and Miike, and also for anyone looking for some crazy good fun. But don't expect a masterpiece folks, this is pulpy cult cinema at it's best, you're not gonna find much substance here...

Transsiberian

"Transsiberian" is directed by Brad Anderson, who directed one of my favorite films of all time, "Session 9", which is a FANTASTIC psychological thriller that should get Anderson huge props due to the fact that he actually manages to get a good performance out of David "Sunglasses and One-Liners = High Drama" Caruso . Anderson also directed "The Machinist", which, much like "Transsiberian", is totally awesome until the end, which is really my only issue with an otherwise taut suspense film.

The story follows an American couple, played by Woody Harrelson and Emily Mortimer, who board the famous Transsiberian line which travels from Beijing to Moscow. I absolutely love Harrelson in this role; he plays a bumbling, wide-eyed tourist with the innocence of a kid, to much hilarity. It's soon revealed that the two have some marital issues; she used to be a wild child who was tamed by church-loving Harrelson, and the taming isn't going as smoothly as either would like. When they meet their cabin mates, the Spanish sex machine Carlos and his gothy runaway girlfriend, Abby, the suspense gets thick. It turns out that Carlos and Abby are transporting drugs, and inevitably the American couple gets all embroiled in the mess, with much blood and violence ensuing.

It's a great film, up until the very very last ten minutes or so, where it seems as if Brad Anderson just had no more gas left and called it in. He did this with "The Machinist" as well, and as a fan of his work, I'm hoping he manages to work this issue out. "Transsiberian" is still a really great film, with fantastic performances from all actors involved, and I can't wait to see more from Anderson...definitely give this one a rental.

Death Note

I can't believe how incredibly long it took for Death Note to get a North American release. A year ago, I was in Tokyo, trying to tell myself that it was perfectly reasonable to buy the DVD of Death Note despite the fact that it was fifty bucks, didn't have subtitles, and was a region 2 DVD. But I was desperate. The movie had come out in 2006, it starred two of my favorite Japanese actors, and I knew the story was incredible after reading the manga. 5000 yen later, I was the proud owner of an incredibly awesome movie. However, since my Japanese is rudimentary, I could only pick out a few phrases here and there, and never really figured out what was happening on my screen, except for the fact that it was a whole bunch of crazy Japanese awesomeness.

FINALLY, Warner Bros. Japan has released Death Note for North America. It's packed with great extras, and yes, subtitles! After watching the film again I was only further convinced of it's greatness. Death Note is the first film of two in the series, and I just found out that Warner Bros. will be releasing the sequel very soon, with a short theatrical release in mid-October!

The story of the first film revolves around a college student named Light Yagami. Light is extremely gifted, but he has a coldness towards humanity. He's played perfectly by Tasuya Fujiwara, who was the lead character in my favorite Japanese film of all time, Battle Royale. Light is disgusted with the way society deals with criminals, and just as he's reaching his breaking point, he comes upon lone notebook that just appears on the ground. Light soon discovers that the notebook belongs to what the Japanses call "shinigami", who are demons that control death. He also learns that when you write someone's name in the Death Note, they die of a heart attack 40 seconds later. The possibilities and the power granted to Light cause him to slowly but surely lose his grip on reason, as he begins to administer his own form of justice, killing off criminals by the hundreds. Eventually he begins to believe that he is a new god, and will create a perfect world.

Enter the police of Japan and a super-secret agent known only as "L". L, played by Ken'ichi Matsuyama, is another gifted youngster whose quirky habits and large brain make him mesmerizing on screen. Matsuyama plays him like Donnie Darko mixed with a little Crispin Glover. In fact, Matsuyama's portrayal of the character has gotten him an enormous following in Japan, and there has already been a movie spinoff of Death Note that centers entirely around L.

What ensues is a thrilling cat and mouse battle of the wits between Light and L, as the audience is left to choose what side of the battle they lie on. Light is using his power to kill criminals and create a better world, but he also doesn't hesitate to stop anyone who gets in his way. It's a gift of a moral quandry, wrapped up in a police thriller, with a supernatural bow on top.

The Last Winter

I had high hopes for The Last Winter. Ron Perlman stars in it, you all might know him as Hellboy. I know him as one of the men old enough to be my father who I crush on like a silly teenager. He's a great actor, I love everything he's ever done. Yes, even when he was the Beast in the 90s during the television series of Beauty and the Beast. Oh yeah, I was there. I won't deny it. I still love him after this film, but, in the end, I was disappointed.

The movie centers around a group of people who have been hired to begin tapping the last untouched part of the Alasakan wilderness for oil. A few members of the group are "greens", men hired by the oil companies to prove that they are trying to evaluate the impact they are making on the environment. The two sides clash, the oil drillers and the greens, but all of the bickering is quickly set aside when people start going crazy and turning up dead. It seems that the ice is melting, and what is released from the icy depths is none too pleased with the human race.

The film is a slow burn, focusing on the bleak and desolate settings and characters, until all hell breaks loose. However, I was slightly disappointed in the climax of the "monsters". The end of the film did bring everything together nicely and left me feeling scared for the planet and all of us who reside upon it. Still, I felt the movie would have been helped if it had more scares instead of the heavy-handed preaching. I get it, I am one of those liberals who believe the environmental issue is the most important issue facing us today. But still. Give me some blood and action with my political statements.

All in all, it's a good movie for the budget it was made on, and the acting on all parts is top-notch. Just don't put it on expecting scares at every turn. If you are up for a really slow burn of a psychological thriller, then you won't be disappointed.

DOOMED MOVIE MARATHON: Series 7 - The Contenders

Whether you love them or hate them, reality shows have become a huge, uncontrollable, monster in television during the last 10 years. It's gotten so everyone from dog groomers to professional airheads has their own reality show. Former contestants of reality shows have their own reality shows. It's a mind-bending, never-ending cycle of depravity and despair. I am not alone in wondering what they could possibly come up with next.

Series 7: The Contenders answers that question with a fatal gunshot to the head. Filmed as a mock reality show, the movie takes place in a very near, very scary future, where people are randomly selected by their social security numbers for a game show called The Contenders. These people are given weapons and must kill each other off until only one remains standing. The winner has to complete three rounds killing a total of fifteen other contestants to earn their freedom. These people have no choice in the matter, it seems this reality show has been given the ultimate power in society.

Our hero is Dawn, a woman eight months pregnant who only has five more people to kill to win the game. It seems the producers decided to give the show an extra twist by placing this season in Dawn's hometown, and choosing her high school sweetheart as one of the other contestants. Will Dawn be able to kill the only person she's ever truly loved in order to save her baby? Or will one of the other able-bodied contestants finally put down the champion? Among her competition is an 18-year-old girl who is a deadly perfectionist, and a 56-year-old zealously religious nurse who isn't afraid to use a syringe. Look at you. You know you want to watch this TV show already.

It's a low-budget film, but one that has a message that rings loud and clear. Where will we draw the line as a society when reality TV becomes more real than ever?

DOOMED MOVIE MARATHON: Dark City

For the first movie of the evening, I chose to begin with one of my all-time favorite films. Dark City is an amazing movie from start to finish, and I never tire of watching it. It's also one of those rare films that reveals something new every time you watch it. It's like a Christmas present that you get to open again and again.

I can't say enough about this movie. The acting is incredible. The story is incredible. The cinematography is incredible. Oh my god, just go out and buy or rent this movie right now! The movie features several of my favorite actors including Kiefer Sutherland in one of my favorite Kiefer roles ever. For once instead of playing the bad guy or the hero, Kiefer stretches his acting chops and plays a bumbling scientist with a strange way of speaking. He steals every scene he's in. William Hurt, as usual, is Mr. Superawesome Supporting Actor in a Cop Role, and Jennifer Connelly is tragically beautiful in one of her best roles. I love this woman, but she tends to be hit or miss, but her role in Dark City is definitely a hit. Even Riff-Raff himself from Rocky Horror Picture Show shows up as the viciously creepy Mr. Hand.

But the movie would be nothing without Rufus Sewell. His performance as John Murdock, the man who liberates the human race from the oppresive brain aliens, is unforgettable. The story begins with Murdock awakening in a hotel room with no memories...but that is soon realized to be the least of his problems. As he stumbles through a wonderfully imagined noir landscape of a decaying city, he learns that the world at large is being controlled by beings known as Strangers. These Strangers shut down the place every night and imprint everyone with new memories in an attempt to learn what it means to have a soul. Through a series of events Murdock learns that he has the same abilities as the Strangers and that he is the only one who can save the last vestiges of humanity. What follows is a battle of epic proportions for the human soul...oh man, this movie is just so damn good. For a film made in 1998, the special effects are incredible and on par with a lot of films that are made today. Check this one out already!

DOOMED MOVIE MARATHON: Cube

Finally, I can honestly say that my brain is fried due to film. It is a dubious honor, but I accept it with grace, and with plans to continue the movie marathon tomorrow evening. Three movies tonight, and three movies tomorrow, for a grand total of six dystopian future films. It's enough to drive anyone mad, and the last film of the evening, Cube, is one that does not disappoint in that respect.

Cube...the movie that blew my mind. It's been about three years since I last viewed it, and I distinctly remember sitting straight up on the edge of my seat with my jaw firmly on the floor. For some reason, I thought it was much more dystopian future-esque than it actually is, which I learned on this second viewing. Cube really is more of a psychological thriller wrapped up nicely in a science fiction present.

It opens with one of the greatest shock scenes ever...I won't give it away, it's gotta be experienced. The plot concerns a group of seemingly unrelated individuals who wake up in a glowing, steampunk, claustrophobic....cube. All of the walls have portals to more cube rooms, and some of the rooms are ingeniously booby-trapped for maximum blood loss. The story unfolds as our intrepid group of dysfunctional folks tries to figure out how they got there, where they are, and how the hell they can get out with all body parts firmly attached. Naturally the human psyche gets in the way, and they are all playing vicious mind games with each other before long. I have never been more afraid of a villain in my life...this guy is truly off-balanced. For a low-budget Canadian film, Cube really impresses. The acting is incredibly good, and with scenery that could easily become tedious, the director is able to keep you guessing and hoping until the very end.


This movie also has two sequels, Cube 2: Hypercube, and Cube Zero. I would recommend skipping Cube 2, but Cube Zero is really a good mind-bender, and a sort of prelude to Cube.

DOOMED MOVIE MARATHON: ExistenZ

For the second film in my "the world is truly doomed" marathon, I chose ExistenZ. Directed by one of my heroes, David Cronenberg, ExistenZ is one of my favorite types of movies. Truly great films are those that challenge the viewer, films that literally dare us to strap ourselves in for the ride. Cronenberg, whose most recent films, History of Violence and Eastern Promises have both been Oscar nominated, is the MASTER of mind-bending, reality-warping films. He has continually smashed through the border that defines real life from film, and I cannot wait to see what his genius brings to the screen next.

Existenz features incredible performances from both Jude Law and Jennifer Jason Leigh, and also includes several star cameos from the likes of Willem Dafoe, (I swear, this guy was created straight from nightmares) and Ian Holm.

Jennifer Jason Leigh plays a game designer in the near future, one where game systems have evolved into organic semi-aware beings. She has created a game, the titular ExistenZ, that is destined to bring about irreversible changes in humanity. Law plays a bumbling security guard who is entrusted with Leigh's care when an assasination attempt is made on her life. The two flee and periodically plug into the new game with disastrous results. What is reality and what is happening in the game is constantly questioned, leaving the viewer scrambling for purchse in a rapidly dissolving world.

Cronenberg is a director who is fascinated with flesh melding with science. His special effects are stunning as usual, including a sequence that takes place in a Chinese restuarant that will make you question whether you should ever dine in one of these establishments ever again. In the end, it's not too much of a leap to believe that game systems will eventually bring us the virtual reality we all thought would be here already. With new advances being unveiled at every game convention, I still believe that very soon, we may find ourselves locked in our own version of ExistenZ.

DOOMED MOVIE MARATHON: Equilibrium

I am undertaking a task of epic proportions this weekend...a doomed moviethon composed entirely of dystopian future films! After declaring my undying love for this genre, (yes, I am even a fan of Michael Bay's The Island , I know, shame, shame) to my newfound friends, I decided that a movie marathon featuring films that consist of futures both bleak and despairing was in order. I stayed away from most of the mainstream films, such as The Matrix and Bladerunner, and tried to stick to more underground films that most people have not seen...and so we come to one of the greatest Christian Bale movies ever...Equilibrium.

My love for Christian Bale is no secret. I fell for the guy at the ripe old age of 11 in sixth grade, when I saw Newsies for the first time. From that point on, I have been a die-hard Bale fan, and while most people are experiencing the awesomeness that is Christian Bale for the first time in the recent Batman films, what they don't know is that he has been deftly flying under the radar for quite some time and Equilibrium is by far my favorite Bale performance.

In a near-future that has been decimated by a third world war, the surviving humans determine that the cause of all the world's problems is human emotion - hate, fear, love, joy, etc.- and create a drug called Prozium that effectively dulls all feeling. The enforcers of this new world of emotionless humans are called the Tetra Grammaton, elite warriors who can handle a gun like nobody's business. Bale plays one of the officers who, through a series of life-altering events, stops taking his Prozium. He begins to feel, and his transformation from unfeeling stone to sobbing mess will keep all viewers enrapt. And lest I forget, there are PUPPIES. Yes folks, puppies. This film proves, once and for all, that the ultimate cure for depression is puppies. I've been saying this for awhile, but I'm telling you. Take anyone who is suffering from depression and stick them in a room full of cuddly cute puppies for half an hour a week, and their depression will be cured.

Oh, yes, and there are gun battles. EPIC gun battles on EPIC proportions. The Matrix has nothing on these Tetra Grammaton guys. The action sequences are slick, beautiful, and will leave you fist-pumping the air in glee at the destruction that is wrought.

This film cannot be missed. If you like Christian Bale, puppies, guns, samurai swords, blood, guts, and martial arts, you are in for a treat.

In the Mouth of Madness

It goes without saying that John Carpenter is one of my heroes. His movies have redefined the genre of horror, from Halloween to The Thing. He is one of the few directors that isn't afraid to defy boundaries in the name of scaring people, and he does it remarkably well. One of my favorite Carpenter films is In the Mouth of Madness, an amazingly scary film that is often overlooked by today's audience.

In the Mouth of Madness is one of the very few films that brings Lovecraftian horror to the big screen, and does it well. With today's special effects, I'm still waiting for that super-awesome Lovecraft film, but In the Mouth of Madness comes quite close, which is shocking for a movie made almost ten years ago.

Sam Neill, one of my favorite actors, plays an insurance fraud agent who is hired by a publishing company to locate a missing blockbuster author known as Sutter Caine. He is accompanied by an editor, Linda, and they head off to a mythical town known as Hobb's End to try and locate the recluse author. However, the two quickly discover that there is more than meets the eye waiting for them in Hobb's End, including evil old hotel owners who eat their husbands, decaying children, and Sutter Caine himself, a new "god" who is determined to bring about the end of the world through his newest novel.

The movie deftly treads a fine line between what is reality and what is make believe, and in the end, you may find yourself questioning reality as much as poor Sam Neill's character, who ends up the only sane person in an insane world....or does he? Check this one out for a superb chiller of an evening...just try to shake this one off.

Unknown

If you're in the mood for a movie that will keep you guessing from the first shot until the very end, I suggest you pick up Unknown, a great little film with a taut, suspenseful storyline and great acting all around. I rented the movie because I was on a Jeremy Sisto bender, and he does have a small part, though it doesn't require him to do much except die, which he does well. What I wasn't prepared for was great performances from Greg Kinnear, James Caviezel (otherwise known as Jesus), Joe Pantoliano, and Barry Pepper.

These four guys wake up in an abandoned warehouse in the middle of the desert. Some are bloodied and shot, some are tied up, and others are free with few injuries. None of them remember who they are or why they are there. Through a series of events they learn that some of them are hostages, and some of them are kidnappers, but they don't know who is what. The story then unfolds with several twists and turns, which kept me glued to the screen until the credits rolled. Another great thing about the movie is that it was only 90 minutes long! If there is one thing I have a problem with, it is movies that last forever for no damn good reason, (yes, Pirates of the Caribbean 3, I am talking to you). The length of the film was just short enough to be perfect. Definitely check this one out.

Blood Brothers

Not that anyone reads this blog, but I had to take a bit of a hiatus due to exams and holiday break. I was hoping to come back with a great movie to talk about, but unfortunately, that didn't work out. I was pretty excited for Blood Brothers, the description sounded interesting, and I have a fascination for 30's era gangster films. This one takes place in Shanghai, which held all sort of promise, but unfortunately, the film fell a little flat.

The story centers around three brothers who leave their simple country lives behind and travel to Shanghai in search of brighter and more exciting futures. One thing leads to another and they find themselves embroiled in the gangster underworld of 1930's Shanghai. One of the brothers becomes a vicious killer, while the others are conflicted by their new-found careers. A femme fatale enters the scene, and betrayals are made, but the whole thing tends to drag a bit. I found myself wondering when it was going to end, halfway through, with very little action occurring.

The cinematography is lushly gorgeous, from the costumes to the set designs, everything about this movie is beautiful. It's the story that gets a little too convoluted and characters that aren't developed enough to be truly cared about. There are a few great performances, namely by Daniel Wu and Liu Ye, but some of the character's motivations for their actions were made unbelievable by their total abruptness, namely brother Kang's change from mildly rebellious older brother to cold-blooded killer of friend and foe in the blink of an eye. And a couple things needed more development, such as the character of Boss Hong, and a love triangle that fizzles out. Another problem is that the most exciting scene is at the very end of the film, a superbly choreographed gunfight where foes are vanquished and blood is shed. I just wish I didn't have to wait an hour and a half for an awesome gunfight in a gangster film.

All in all, Blood Brothers is pretty and mildly entertaining. 1930's era Shanghai is lushly represented, and I hope to see more films that take advantage of this interesting environment, Blood Brothers is just a taste of what is possible.

Wanted

I can't even begin to explain how excited I was for Wanted. I wasn't excited for Angelina Jolie's butt, (yes, it's there, in all it's glory), and I wasn't excited for James McAvoy. What I was excited about was my hope that the director, Timur Bekmambetov, would have made an awesome film for the American audience, and finally get to show a larger crowd what he's capable of. Nerdy, I know, but I am an undying fan of Bekmambetov's two Russian films, Nightwatch and Daywatch. Those movies were special effects feasts, creating amazing scenes and stories with an Eastern European craziness that I had never seen the likes of before, including even subtitles that were animated to coincide with the action on screen. When I heard that he would be directing his first American film, I was stoked, to say the least. This news came about the same time I read that one of my favorite Japanse directors, Ryuhei Kitamura, would be directing the film adaptation of Clive Barker's Midnight Meat Train, and needless to say, that was a day I almost exploded with happiness. For all of Hollywood's missteps, one thing I will never get enough of is bringing foreign directors over to the U.S. and giving them a Hollywood budget.

Wanted lives up to the hype, blasting its way through so many awesome special effects sequences that my mind is still having trouble wrapping itself around what it just saw. The story is very well-written, with twists and turns and double-crosses, leaving me wanting more when the credits rolled. My only issue was with McAvoy, who was such a whiner for a lot of the film that I wanted to grab him by the head and shake him. I suppose that's just how his character was supposed to be, but still...a bit much. The biggest treat for me was definitely the appearance of Konstantin Khabensky, the lead Russian actor from Nightwatch and Daywatch. I LOVE this guy. When he came onscreen, I had to restrain myself from jumping up and clapping, as I would have definitely earned myself a one-way ticket to Nerdsville. He's a great actor, and I only hope I get to see more of him in the future...hopefully in Bekmambetov's third film in the watch series...Twilight Watch, due in 2009!


And here's the trailers for Nightwatch and Daywatch, just because I love those movies so damn much.

Diary of the Dead

I have always been a sucker for apocalyptic/dystopian future films and books. Anything concerning the end of the world or a post-apocalypse society and I am on board. Zombie movies, while usually considered to be straight-up horror, belong with a foot firmly based in the apocalypse camp. To me, there is nothing scarier than a zombie uprising, especially when it's done well. Let's face it, there are scores of abysmal zombie movies out there, and thanks to the recent upsurge of zombie popularity, (zombie t-shirts and mugs? YES PLEASE!) there has been a deluge of some of the worst zombie films ever, (Day of the Dead remake featuring Mena Suvari and zombies that crawl on the ceiling? NO PLEASE GOD NO).

Of course, George Romero, a king among men, is the father of the zombie film. But the one thing that I always loved about Romero's films was that behind the zombies is an underlying treatise on the state of the world, politics, consumerism, and humanity. All of that and braaaains. It's horror for smart folks, and that is the best type of horror. Romero's last entry to his zombie saga was Land of the Dead, his first zombie film that was given a semi-respectable Hollywood budget, but as we all know, with a Hollywood budget comes Hollywood executives who think they know better than everyone else what the audience wants. Romero himself in several articles has decried the system and the way that these executives hack and slice their way through movies to get a better rating. Naturally, Land of the Dead suffered for this, and Romero acknowledges it. He decided to make Diary of the Dead, independently, and it is his true vision, and totally kicks zombie ass!

Done in the "found footage" format that when used well, can be totally awesome, Diary of the Dead centers around a group of film students who are in the middle of filming a movie when the dead start to rise. The film then chronicles everyone's stories, their attempts to get home, survive, and battle. The gore is minimal, with a few really cool sequences, and the plot moves along at a good speed. The film also features some great characters including Samuel, the deaf Amish guy, who can wield a scythe like nobody's business, and the coolest drunk professor ever. Diary of the Dead is a great film, by a great director, and I can't wait for the next one. Here's hoping Romero lives forever.

Thursday Night Double Feature: Futurama: The Beast With a Billion Backs and Machine Girl

Let me just start these reviews with a disclaimer: NERDS ONLY NEED APPLY. It's Thursday night, I had a tough week of classes, and I need to cut loose. Is it time for another movie I can, in good conscience, recommend to anyone? No. Tonight is the night that nerds must reign, and therefore, I watched two movies tonight that only nerds can appreciate. Did I cave in to my baser needs as a true nerd? That would be an emphatic yes.

First on the list is the second of three Futurama films, The Beast With a Billion Backs. For all you Futurama fans out there...well...it's better than the first movie, but still not better than some of the best Futurama episodes. I am one of the rare beasts that have little love for The Simpsons, and an almost crazy love for Futurama. I guess I just love cartoons that feature robots and squid as lead characters more than anything else. I know I may get roasted alive on a spit for this, but The Simpsons is just incredibly not awesome for me. Naturally, after watching countless reruns of Futurama on Adult Swim, I was ecstatic to learn that the entire cast returned for three feature films, the first of which was Bender's Big Score, which was just so-so, and kind of a letdown. The Beast With a Billion Backs is better, but not by much. Unfortunately, these feature films seem to get really caught up in a little thing called "the plot". I get that the creators wanted to make some movies with great storylines, but most of the comedy that made Futurama great tends to get lost in the attempt to stick to an actual plot. Futurama was best when the comedy was the baseline for the plot, not the other way around. So, it was entertaining, I laughed out loud a few times, but I expected better. Here's hoping the last film, Bender's Game, really delivers.


And so, we move on to one of the craziest movies I have ever laid my nerdy eyes upon, Machine Girl. I can say with complete honesty that this is the wildest Japanese film I have ever seen. That statement shouldn't be taken lightly, as I have seen some craaaazy shit in Japanese film, including but not limited to: killer hair extensions, dancing claymation cannibals, and a male member that turns into a drill. The Japanese are CRAZY, yo. However, as bizarre as the Japanese film industry can get, one thing they do really well is the slapstick comedy. Machine girl is one of the bloodiest movies I've ever seen, but it is also one of the most hilarious. In the tradition of early Peter Jackson, director Noboru Iguchi goes so over the top with his gore that it becomes laugh-out-loud hilarious. The lead character, in her first acting role, does a great job, considering a lot of Japanese actresses show little emotion. She plays a student whose younger brother is killed by yakuza, (the Japanese equivalent of the mafia) who subsequently goes on a revenge bender, slicing and dicing everyone who gets in her way. I couldn't stop myself from rolling around on the floor, laughing hysterically, as I am treated to visions of an arm that gets tempura fried and neverending waterfalls of blood. It's crazy, it's hilarious, it's weird and wonderful, and that's the best kind of film for us gorehound nerds.

First Snow

There is nothing I hate more than a movie that lets me down. Not a movie that I expected to be good, and it ended up being bad....no, that's just like biting into an apple, and finding a worm inside. When that happens, it even has the potential to be so bad it is good, a rare but awesome occurrence, much like Haley's comet. No, the real crime is a movie that is absolutely incredible for almost the entire duration, which then destroys all the good that came before it with a utterly disappointing ending. This event is also extremely rare, but it hurts bad, like the movie sucker-punched me right in the kidneys. Such was the case with First Snow.

And I hate to say it!! Because I love Guy Pearce, and think he is criminally underused in film...I don't know why. He created a timeless classic with his performance in Memento, was my favorite character in L.A. Confidential, was raving brilliant in Ravenous, and in The Proposition, made me, a girl who has an affinity for all things Spongebob, fall hopelessly in love with the violent Western genre. In Pearce's defense, however, I can't blame him for the sucker-punch. His acting throughout First Snow is awesome, as usual.

Pearce plays a slick jerk of a salesman whose car breaks down in the middle of a ramshackle town in the desert, where he decides to bide his time by getting his fortune read by a splendidly grizzled J.K. Simmons. He's told that he's gonna have a great business proposition fall into his lap, among other small predictions that all eventually come true...and then Simmons jerks as if he's touched hot coals, and you know that can't be good. Turns out he's seen that Pearce's character is gonna die, and he's gonna kick that bucket at the first snowfall. From this point, the story turns into a slow-burn of a psychological thriller, as we see Pearce desperately trying to figure out who kills him, and how to prevent it. Pearce does a great job through and through, making the audience root for a character who is kind of an ass, but really not so bad deep down. The film raises some good questions about fate and free will, and near the end, it seems as if the film is really building up to a shocker showdown of a climax. I was waiting with bated breath...and then...NOTHING. Highlight for spoiler: So Pearce is sure that his death is going to come about by an old friend he screwed over in the past who landed in jail for it, and now is seriously pyscho...Pearce is in the car, driving to meet the guy, after an hour of buildup to this point...and then we hear him say a voiceover about the path he chose and blah blah blah, the camera goes inside the car, he has blood on his face for some reason, a bright light flashes, and we are jettisoned to the next morning, with a view of skid marks on the highway, and a voiceover of a radio report about a car accident. A CAR ACCIDENT. NINETY MINUTES OF BUILDUP FOR A CAR ACCIDENT WE DON'T EVEN SEE. And where, tell me, did the blood on Pearce's face come from? It was there before this phantom accident. Apparently there was a showdown of some sort. WHICH WE NEVER SEE.
I was stunned. I literally stared at the screen with my jaw on the floor, trying to recover hopelessly from the crap the movie just pulled on me. I don't know why this happened, maybe they ran out of money, god knows the film was low-budget...but seriously? I've seen horrible films before, and even most of them give me a solid ending of some sort. Hello sucker-punch, meet my kidneys.
I think I need to go watch Pearce eat some people in Ravenous to get over this.